If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before.
The early worm gets eaten by the bird... so sleep late.
Never buy a car you can’t push.
Don't kick a man when he's down unless you're certain he won't get up.
If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of bill payments.
There are very few personal problems that cannot be solved through a suitable application of high explosives.
If you can stay calm while all around you is chaos, you probably haven't completely understood the seriousness of the situation.
Accept that some days you’re the pigeon, and some days you’re the statue.
Never argue with an idiot. They'll drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience.
Never try to teach a pig to sing. It wastes your time and annoys the pig.
Always remember you're unique...
... just like everyone else.